Fayyaz needs to wear spectacles for first time on Sat, Feb 20th. He started the day feeling high. He was so happy (“Cool.. I’ll be like Damien, Dinera!” –when he heard the news first time).. He enthusiastically wore them till few hours later ….
"Enough Mama. I'm done.. My eyes are better now," giving his spectacles to me.
I laugh. "Yeah it's not comfortable in the beginning and you know why you wear them, rite? So you tried your best ok? You'll get used to them soon."
So.. he wore them again.. trying hard to be ok. Sometimes took them off a while to wipe his watery eyes.
Then we met Ms Monica from his Sat class who said that he looks like a little professor with the new glasses. Apparently the joke was taken seriously by Fay.
"Are you ok, Fay? you are so quiet."
"Yah ok." But his face didn’t speak the same.
"Anyway... do you know what professor means?"
"Mmm... someone silly?"
Oh no wonder it hits him badly. "No.. no.. Professor is very smart."
"Oh I know now! The one who can invent lots of thing? I like to be a professor!"
"Yup..."
Yesterday was the first day he went to school with the glasses. He's now at K2.
"Hi Fay, how's your day today? What did your friends say about your spectacles?"
"You know.. Damien said something rude."
I felt my heartbeat is increasing. "What is it?
"He called me GRANDMA."
Do you hear something breaking? It's my heart! "Oh, I see. How did you feel?"
"Angry."
"Yah it's not something nice to hear. No wonder you felt angry."
"He said it rudely. But I didn't hit him, no push and no kick either. No hurting him."
"Wow that's good! You can control your anger."
"Yes because when we’re angry we should not hurt others."
I'm so glad that the rule sticks on you, young man! "So what did you say to him?"
"I said It's rude and its not good to say that."
I'm so proud of him. "Cool! Then?"
"I said to him I'm a boy! not grandma... But GRANDPA!"
"Ah!" I tried hard to keep my cool outside.
"He kept calling me grandpa or grandma all the time. I think it would last until December.."
"Wow... December is still a long time. So what's your plan for tomorrow?" Please God don’t let him give up!
"I'll wear my spectacles still... but probably hide them when I meet him.. I'm a good hider."
"Hm, I see. But you're in the same class with him. Do you think you can hide them all the time?"
"Mmm.. I can't. You know, he's also wearing spectacles... like me..."
Then he paused as his father stepped into the room. Fayyaz called his father, Abah.
"You know Abah... Damien said rude things to me. He said I'm like grandma. Jake asked me why I wear glasses. Luc and Roman said I look like a little professor!"
"Yeah.. a Professor is smart," said Abah.
"Fay.. just an idea.. do you think it's better to let Damien know about how you feel being called with other names?"
"Yeah! We don't call people with other names. Grandma is grandma.. Grandpa is grandpa.. And I'm Fayyaz! I'm 5 years old. I just look different with spectacles. That's all. And that is ok!" It was as if he talked to himself.
"Oh Fay... That is a really brilliant thought! I'm so glad you think that way. It's great!"
"Yes!" He smiled.
"So, do u want to tell him tomorrow?" Of course I'm not satisfied yet till I get that kid to know the in's and out's that my baby is not a grandma!
"Mama... I'm so sleepy now."
"Ok."
Today, second day at school, another surprise came.
"How was it? Did you meet Damien today?"
"Yes and I said to him that it was not nice to say that to me."
"Good! What else?"
"I also said he looks good with his spectacles."
"WHAT? Did I hear it correctly? Hold a minute... He said something rude about you and your glasess, and you said something nice to him about his glasses?"
"Yes."
"WOW! It was very thoughtful! Then what did he say?"
"He said he should've said 'nice' to me."
I couldn’t believe it! "Did he continue to call you ‘grandma’?
"Nope.. He stopped it."
I still couldn’t believe it.
"He called me with other name."
"What was it?"
"Rock, man! He called me that in the school bus. It’s cool rite?"
I was completely speechless and amazed.
This incident made me realize that:
- I didn't expect earlier that the issue can go beyond him losing his glasses or can't keep them hanging there.
- He had entered our real world where he faced something unpleasant beyond his control. There was nobody to help him and had to handle it himself on the spot.
- The book I read was right. It's very important to train our kids to be self-directed. As we can not protect or solve his problems all the time. He has to develop skills to do it on his own. I'm so relieved with the way Fayyaz handled it.
- It’s very important to help kids build their self-esteem and ability to control their emotions. I feel we're in the right track. All the efforts seem to have paid off. But the journey had just begun. He will face much more difficult issues than having his friend calling him names. So my job to coach him is far from finished. But I could't be happier with this 'job' :)
- Never under estimate kids and allow them to solve their own problems .
Special thanks to Damien who had given a valuable chance to my little professor to exercise his values and thinking skills. Without him, I won’t know the quality of my own son.
cool, man! :D
bahagia banget deh jadi mama nya fay. bangga banget denger ceritanya.
fay looks cute dgn kacamatanya. duh, ga sabar liat dia gede, makin pinter dan membangggakan deh.
btw, buku yg dibaca apa sih bu? boleh tuh di share buat referensi juga.
thx
cool, man! :D
bahagia banget deh jadi mama nya fay. bangga banget denger ceritanya.
fay looks cute dgn kacamatanya. duh, ga sabar liat dia gede, makin pinter dan membangggakan deh.
btw, buku yg dibaca apa sih bu? boleh tuh di share buat referensi juga.
thx
Aa tetep ganteng kok pake kacamata juga.
Chie, mungkin ga sih penyebab banyak anak pake kacamata di Sg ini gara-gara ruang yang lebih kecil? Pernah baca katanya kalau untuk anak Sg, yang Cina katanya sih bisa jadi keturunan juga, jadi banyak yang miopi.
Nah kalau silindris gak tau deh.
Anyway, mungkin ga sih gara-gara ruang hidup yang lebih kecil, mungil di apartemen, berpengaruh ke mata anak?
Anyway, thumbs up utk mama dan abah! :) Jangan bosen klo gw tanyain soal parenting yaaa kan kalian beberapa langkah lebih maju :)
Muah2 Aa...Ganteng deh lil'prof
waahhh fayya hebaaatt...ganteng anget chie fay pake kacamata :) wah nih keren anger mgt nya, kalo rafa masih sering menghindar kalo ada yg bikin dia ga seneng,padahal yg kaya gitu kan musti dihadapi...duuhhh..peer mash numpuuukk...
Dear All, makasih ya komen2nya.. amiin ma doa2nya smoga Fay bisa jadi anak bijaksana :) semoga ini awal yg baik ya tuk seterusnya dan smua anak2 kita jadi lebih baik dari bapak ibunya hehehe.
InsyaAllah nanti klo pas ada waktu aku share2 lg. Silahkan klo mo share diluar forum ini jg boleh.. semoga bermanfaat.
@Ninit: tenkyu muach muach yaaa dah dibantuin bgt posting disini :)
@Lilik: ketauan pake kacamatanya dari pemeriksaan mata disekolah. klo disini kan inisiatif pemerintah datengin satu2 dan ini tiap taun. nah pertamakali buat si fayyaz kmrn. dan ketauan deh... udah lgs gede lg silindrisnya.
komenya dia pas udah pake "now the letters are not up side down anymore!" duh kasian ya berarti slama ini dia bacanya usaha bgt..
@Astrid: iya btul .. anak2 itu sumber 'inspirasi' banget :)
@niken: gmana caranya ya? sy jg ga tau hehehe.. yg pasti sih banyak ngobrol, nanya2 (saya-nya), crita2, diskusi ma anak2 ttg apa aja.. dari situ bisa diselip2in pesan2 sponsor .. tiap mlm saya ato bapaknya ngarang cerita dari situ diarahin spy mrk yg dapet 'ide' itu sdiri.. trus buku2nya sy jg pilihin yg sesuai 'pesan sponsor'.. prinsipnya simple 'make sure mrk tau apa yg harus dilakukan SEBELUM kejadiannya terjadi, spy mrk ga sekonyong2 dapet ide lain yg aneh2' ato kita bahas SETELAH terjadi tuk pencegahan berikutnya. Krn klo kasi tau pas kejadian biasanya anak2 malah ga receptive dan pesannya jadi ga masuk.
tapi tetep sih respon Fay tuk Damien diluar dugaan saya jg. kta dah pernah bahas ttg 'anger mgmt', how to treat others..dll, tapi sy lom pernah ngobrol ma mrk ttg apa yg harus dilakukan saat org lain tidak nice ma kita.. jadi saya jg amaze skali ma idenya dia itu :)